What Price Does a Wife Pay?

I anguish over the price my wife and family will pay. The prospect of a lengthy prison sentence pales in comparison to their sacrifice, and the disquieting realization of knowing I would do the same is where I discover courage. The onerous magnitude of the cost they will pay is not worthy of this great nation. This from the lips of a felon?

It surprises me to write the affectionate description of, “great nation,” while thinking about this country, and an even greater shock came when I realized I consider myself a proud citizen with a bit of felony baggage. What a crazy idea to have while fighting for my freedom, and defending the innocence of my family. The pernicious crossover of unrelenting shame promoted by the administrative state is foreign to my naïve view of recompense. I was always taught restitution represents the objective measure of recompense, and I acted upon my belief by paying all of my restitution before sentencing. I loath the idea of reporting to prison owing money to the government, but the harsh reality is that restitution is only the tip of the iceberg.

The burden on my wife will not diminish as my parents continue to age and require more care. My wife and I believe it is our responsibility to care for our aging parents. It is a family obligation we face with pride, and though the burden has only grown, we are devoted to the task. It disturbs me that I will not be able to fulfill this obligation, and that my family faces the prospect of applying for elder care assistance instead of taking care of our parents privately.

The biggest struggle is the unsettling realization that my parents will likely die before I’m released from prison. I made the decision to borrow money from the SBA, and I will pay whatever price is deemed appropriate by society and the court. The deleterious effect of the criminal justice experience on my family approaches a level of cruel and unusual I was ill-equipped to handle. My wife will be alone facing the challenge of aging parents, and likely the death of our parents without me being here to help. This piece of the criminal justice process caught me off guard. It brings my wife to tears.

Every felon before, and everyone after, will say, “It seems unnecessarily harsh and pervasive.” It is like yelling into a void, and “None will hear!” The system is only equipped to punish, and though lofty ideals of rehabilitation are lauded about with fervor, I have read only the occasional success story. Understanding my criticism of the criminal justice system will fall upon deaf ears, leads me to seek guidance and friendship from happily married felons who have been successful. Where do I find them?

I am learning that traditional avenues of marriage counseling offered in our society are not designed for a felon in crisis. It is not intentional of course, only unprofitable to most therapists. How many felons have the courage to ask for help? If my experience on this side is an indicator, I will face a scarcity of resources in prison regarding my concerns. I believe self-help is the most realistic avenue, and I’d better get started on a solution now while I have some freedom. I wonder, are there any happily married felons to show the way?