A Good Martini is Man’s Best Friend

I’ve always considered myself a responsible person, and this includes the consumption of fine libations. I enjoy a premium Old Fashion or Martini at my favorite restaurants. At home, I enjoy drinking beer and wine, vodka tonic, gin tonic and whiskey. When the COVID pandemic started back on January 31, 2020, I would drink about one or two glasses of wine or beer daily, and party hard on occasion. I have graduated from the minor league to a six pack or bottle of wine every day since the pandemic. I struggle with irritability and everyone started walking on egg shells around me. I chalked it up to dealing with the lawyers, court and the dread of my looming incarceration.

I told myself, “I’m a responsible and successful small business owner, I manage a crew, I meet my deadlines, I budget profitably on every project, I make it happen.” I noticed a powerful craving for a drink at work, but I blew it off. I noticed I went on a tirade about my troubles when inebriated; I wasn’t the happy drunk anymore. I recognized my drinking had become a real problem over the last 18 months. It snuck up on me.

The trigger was when my wife expressed her concern, and I covered up my craving when I said, “It wasn’t a big deal.” I instantly recognized this was out of character for me, and I was disgusted with my attitude. I am very open about my feelings with my wife, we enjoy lively banter solving the conundrums of human nature, laughing about my tumultuous relationship with God, and sharing intimate moments of endless fun over cocktails. I used to crave these moments, but now I craved the next drink. I knew it had become a problem. I confessed to my gracious wife and started alcoholics anonymous.

I can only pray it works, but I believe I can beat this thing. I never imagined the craving would be so powerful. I have a disciplined and uncompromising attitude about most important issues, and I’ve been told I have a domineering personality, but the drinking has become troublesome. It’s beginning to feel like a best friend I never want to leave, and I’d better get it under control before it destroys who I am. I worry I might end up like my dad, and he’s the one person I never want to be.

My dad was abusive and mean when he drank, but a functioning alcoholic. I have always been the happy drunk, I have a great time carousing around town with my wife in tow, we’re responsible when we drink, and I never confused my consumption as a craving that diminished my performance on the job. The craving doesn’t stop anymore. It’s always on my mind, and when I feed the craving, it’s never enough. Thankfully, I recognized my behavior was eerily similar to my old man, and I cannot allow that in my life.

Isn’t it interesting how tragedy binds people together? I am an admitted alcoholic, I hope a recovering alcoholic, a convicted felon, a bankrupt business owner, and my wife is proud of me. I’m beginning to think I might find a way to survive the criminal justice experience, rebuild my business, keep the woman I love more than life, and find a measure of normal in the coming days. Image that, how can a convicted felon be so lucky? I will take steps to mitigate my sentence.